Genesis

bind – the book of life, human,
into a marriage of masculine and
feminine flesh.

slither - the snake of deception,
masculine, into the garden of
feminine ignorance and soon-to-be

woe.

awake – the sleep of restfulness,
masculine, from the peacefulness of
wordless Adam.

consume – the fruit of knowledge,
heavenly, through the mouth and into
the body, holder of human soul and

conscience.

segregate – the flesh of marriage,
genderless, into different bodies,
and hearts.

brush – the dust of human origin,
lifeless, into the dustpan of people-
less heaven and unfeeling heavenly

law.

Getting Ready for College!

So it's been a rather long time since I updated! I really don't have time anymore to discuss philosophy and I don't even think that I have enough (any?) followers that it was worth posting the latest ones here, so I started updating facebook more frequently. Hopefully, I will be able to manage the blog better this coming summer and school year.

My last year of high school is finally coming to a close. It's an incredibly exciting time for me in my life! I've just about officially chosen Allegheny College. I have three schools to hear back from (all reach schools) and unless I miraculously get into those colleges with a full ride, it looks like I will be an Allegheny Alligator: Class of 2015! :D

I've been doing lots of research on funding college recently. I've spent hours reading articles, looking for scholarships (and applying to them) and now I'm at the point where I'm looking up quick money making techniques and comparing loan interest rates. One of the things I found in my searches is edulender.com. It is a blog where you can fundraiser for your college tuition. If any of you are interested in helping me to fund my college education, please visit my profile, donate or just to offer words of encouragement.

http://www.edulender.com/college-tuition-fundraising/crystalstone/

Anything you can give (encouragement or monetary donations) will be helpful for me! I've always dreamed of getting out of college debt free, and although it won't happen, I plan to do everything in my power to be that way. Maybe with the help and support of friends and family like you, I'll be able to do this!

Conflicting thoughts on love

There happen to be two conflicting philosophies right now that are starting to make me nervous.

With God, the philosophy is to love—to inconvenience yourself for the convenience of others, and live through suffering. However, I have personal boundaries. I grow weary after years of fighting certain people. I become ready for the end.

But then there’s the conflict: God never does grow weary, so by his strength I should be able to take on the challenges. I still can have hope. But I physically can’t handle the stress.

Is there a point where you give up?

How far does our love need to extend? I know we’re God’s vehicles to change the world, I understand this. And I know the Christian life means a life of suffering on his behalf, but it is never okay just to take a deep breath? Fighting is so tiring! Even if it’s fighting for love, fighting myself to take care of people I’d prefer not to.

When am I able to choose to leave or to stay? Is it wrong to end friendships, if fighting is frequent and never makes any sense? Is it wrong to end relationships with family members (no I’m not talking about me; my family is amazing), if they treat you like dirt? When, then, are the exceptions? Just by the word of God? And what if it was misinterpreted? What then?

I know God never gives us more than we can handle, but I sometimes feel he has. I prefer solitude over people, with a few select people allowed to enter my solitude. However, I have to be around more people, and I’m not always patient enough to handle their loads. I try, and sometimes I have strength, but sometimes I’m flat out weary. I need breaks.

Cantankerous is love for the weary.

"Normal"

When people speak of the “normal” a lot of times they speak of what they think to be civilized—acts of kindness (seeming altruism), declarations of purity, goals for the future, etc. A lot of times, what I noticed is that all of these are not the norm, but rather the rare.

We want the good to be the normal, however, I feel a lot of times that people act like animals. They don’t act good or human at all. We all have our secret acts of inhumanity. We all have our secret sins. And yet we all judge one another for what they do? We especially condemn those that have the courage to be up front with it.

I find all of this to be humorous. In no way am I condoning sin, but rather, pointing out that it’s common, and yet we’re busy judging other people while we are so filled with fault?

I think it goes back to what I was saying before—we emphasize others’ faults to distract us from our own. None of us want to believe we’re evil. None of us want to let people down, or be judged, or be thought ill of. Yet we all are at some point or another. I think we need to start accepting failure. Again, accepting, not condoning.

I think by accepting sin, and bringing it to light it makes it easier not to do. When no one knows that we are doing anything wrong, there’s no one to keep us accountable. We’re trapped in our secret, and usually our secret was started because we were sad, now the guilt makes us sadder so we go back to our guilty pleasure. Speaking about it, admitting to it, makes us free of it. Letting it out, lets it go. Letting it out brings freedom.

Let’s stop labeling stuff—stop labeling it as normal. We are scaring people into habitual patterns of sin. We are trapping people in fear to get help. Stop labeling, and let the people become free.

Good in Everyone

Although I believe there is bad in everyone (as ‘bad’ is our nature), I believe that there is good in everyone, too.

Everyone has access to good inside of them. Everyone is capable of loving and capable of reaching higher in their life. However, I like an essay I recently read by Jackie Robinson. He said, “I do not believe that every person, from every walk of life, can succeed in spite of any handicap. That would be perfection.” I have to say I agree with him.

I try putting it nicer and saying “everyone has the capability. The reality, however, is that not everyone is going to succeed, not everyone is going to try. Some people are doomed because of path’s they’ve chosen.

I think they become incapable to be reasonable, kind, whatever the ‘good’ we’re talking about in the context is. I don’t think people are born that way. I think they are trained in a way that they can’t overcome it, or don’t have the motivation to try.

However, I believe that those who will succeed despite handicap, failure, persecution, and the like will be stronger, and live greater legacies because of it. The few that can overcome, and can activate the good (publically or private) enhance life for everyone else.

I believe in the good of people – even though, I understand, that not everyone will activate the parts of them that are good. Even in the worst person, a little bit of good can shine through the surface—at least once in their life.

Attraction and Personality

As much as none of us want to admit it, appearance has something to do with the way that we look at people.

However, I want to interrupt my line of thought there, and note that I’m not talking at all about race, simply physical beauty or lack thereof. Because if we really want to get into this, I think that so many black girls I know are beautiful, as are the Asians I know. I’m not going to discriminate because of race (and I’m just a little touchy on the race topic right now with the reverse racism that I’m facing right now. I’m sick of being called a racist solely because I’m white, and years ago white people hurt black people. But some African Americans forget that it was not all white people that enslaved them, just as it is not all African Americans that look down on Caucasians. As a matter of fact, just as Caucasians persecuted them, many saved them in the Underground Railroad. But that’s another argument for another time.)

Going back now, to my original point, I think our perception is skewed because of our level of attraction for people.

We tend to let people we find more attractive get away with more. I’ve found personally, that the way people act, plus the way people look determines my opinion on them. I don’t necessarily have drop dead gorgeous friends, or think higher of one or the other based solely on appearance, but my point is, whether we like to admit it or not, it is a factor.

I think in the world of online communication, though, it’s easier to get away from the appearance part of relationships. We don’t really see people face to face anymore (as often, again depending on who you are) to get that bias. We have photoshop to edit the pictures, and camera effects, and fake pictures, etc. We don’t have to show ourselves. Good or bad? I’m not really sure. There’s an argument for both. It’s good to get rid of the appearance bias, however, I still prefer face to face communication over online communication unless I don’t want to talk to someone. Then it’s easier to ignore, etc. But I mean, the computer has so little personality to it, that you can’t even see the handwriting of the person you’re talking to! But with personality, comes with a bias.

If we’re looking to create a bias-free world, I guess we’re getting closer with the computer (minus the fact that as of now we still have our own opinions, and we still have some ways to see what we look like). Good or bad, take it for what it’s worth.

This is your world today.

Experience

“It’s okay to feel sadness; you need to feel sadness to know what happiness is.”

I had a conversation with my boyfriend a few weeks ago, and he said this line. Although not verbatim (as it was late at night and I can’t remember exactly what he said), you get the gist of it.

I read something similar in “Tuesdays with Morrie”. Morrie tells Mitch to experience every emotion to its fullest as it comes, then be able to detach yourself from it.

I’ve come to agree.

I found the greatest freedom when allowing myself, instead of swelling with pride and pushing my pains down, to cry, to scream and to think thoroughly about situations. I was then able to come out stronger, more able to move on.

When you recognize your [bad] emotions, and let yourself experience them fully, you feel better afterwards. You’re less confused, and dazed, but fully aware, and able to separate yourself from the experience. You’ll no longer have to dwell on it. And when better things come, you’ll be able to recognize them, and grasp them as fully.

And honestly, although just my personal opinion, I believe to experience life you need to experience your emotions fully. You need to learn about yourself, and your body. When learning about your body, and its behaviors and reactions, you can then take care of it fully, and live your life more fully.

I believe that through following this, you will be a more useful person in society. So as far as I’m concerned, experience away, and learn as much as you can about yourself, your behaviors, and your feelings.

Experience to the fullest to live to the fullest.