There happen to be two conflicting philosophies right now that are starting to make me nervous.
With God, the philosophy is to love—to inconvenience yourself for the convenience of others, and live through suffering. However, I have personal boundaries. I grow weary after years of fighting certain people. I become ready for the end.
But then there’s the conflict: God never does grow weary, so by his strength I should be able to take on the challenges. I still can have hope. But I physically can’t handle the stress.
Is there a point where you give up?
How far does our love need to extend? I know we’re God’s vehicles to change the world, I understand this. And I know the Christian life means a life of suffering on his behalf, but it is never okay just to take a deep breath? Fighting is so tiring! Even if it’s fighting for love, fighting myself to take care of people I’d prefer not to.
When am I able to choose to leave or to stay? Is it wrong to end friendships, if fighting is frequent and never makes any sense? Is it wrong to end relationships with family members (no I’m not talking about me; my family is amazing), if they treat you like dirt? When, then, are the exceptions? Just by the word of God? And what if it was misinterpreted? What then?
I know God never gives us more than we can handle, but I sometimes feel he has. I prefer solitude over people, with a few select people allowed to enter my solitude. However, I have to be around more people, and I’m not always patient enough to handle their loads. I try, and sometimes I have strength, but sometimes I’m flat out weary. I need breaks.
Cantankerous is love for the weary.
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